Beyond Order: 12 More Rules for Life

Posted on Monday, 26 April 2021

Sanity as a social institution. Our sanity is contingent on the social interactions and circles we establish.

Have you been educated to the level of your intellectual ability or ambition?
Is your use of free time engaging, meaningful, and productive?
Have you formulated solid and well-articulated plans for the future?
Are you (and those you are close to) free of any physical health or economic problems?
Do you have friends and a social life?
Do you have a stable and satisfying intimate relationship?
Do you have close and functional familial relationships?
Do you have a career or, at least, a job that is financially sufficient, stable and, if possible, a source of satisfaction and opportunity?

If the answer to at least three of these is no, it may be very possible that you are insufficiently embedded in the interpersonal world and are in danger of spiralling downward psychologically as a result.

Life is not a game, it is a series of games, and being successful in life does not mean to win as many games as you can, but to play as many games as you can. A similar concept is described in “The Infinite Game“ by Simon Sinek.

If people are avoiding to interact (“play”) with you, you are doing something wrong in that regard. If you are continually interacted with and people seek you out, then you are correct in that regard, you are socially adequate.

People, throughout their actions (not necessarily words) provide feedback on our social adeptness. They tell us how well we are doing.

Accepting the role of the fool is to accept the role of the beginner, where we all start from, multiple times. It helps develop humility and gratitude. To recognize other’s mastery of different things and be grateful for that and humility because you are not at the top of the hierarchy, you are at the bottom just starting up.

“It is better to assume ignorance and invite learning than to assume sufficient knowledge and risk the consequent blindness.”
- Jordan B. Peterson

Dishonest phrasing of convictions. If you are wording your motivations in ways that sound more appealing, you may very well be deceiving and hiding your true intent. Similar to #10: “Be precise in your speech”.

Social institutions represented through tradition and what is already implemented (rules) and creative achievement represented by the new, the unexplored or unacceptable behaviour are two contrasting aspects of our existence. Both are necessary as the former provides structure and mechanisms and processes that have been time tested and are known to work, while the latter brings up what could be better or improved with the hidden danger of tearing everything apart, not necessarily for the improvement of Being. It is required to update the already known institutions and adapt them to what is new, to advance society as we, ourselves, progress. The risk of destroying everything is an ever-present threat which is why it is something we do not casually do. Which is why it is not a good idea to casually denigrate either.

#2: “Imagine who you could be, and then aim single-mindedly at that”

An unforgettable story captures the essence of our being that may not yet be spoken or precisely known, yet we recognize it when we see it which makes it unforgettable. This story spoke to me, it showed what I could be.

#3: “Do not hide unwanted things in the fog”

Small things that happen every day are important in the sense that they accrue. It may be small steps along the way, or rather, small steps that take you farther away, every day, little by little, you will one day wake up in completely foreign lands. Possibly, unknowingly, far away from where you want to be, or should be.

Do not allow small deficiencies to accrue for they will provide the same effect, but negative, as small achievements accrue positively. It’s the same thing, it only leads down different paths.

This goes hand in hand with sins of commission (actively doing something bad) and sins of omission (refusing to do something good or allowing something bad to happen). For instance, you may tell yourself that everything is fine with the finances of the company you run and refuse to investigate whether the accountant is cooking the books. After all, it is not your job, right? Why should you be responsible? What if you are the CEO, but the owner is someone else? That is a sin of omission. You could have known but refused to. These too, accrue over time until they surface, then there’s nowhere to hide them. Ignorance is bliss, until you wake up in depression. “How could this have happened?”

#4: “Notice that opportunity lurks where responsibility has been abdicated”

Responsibility and meaning go hand in hand which lead to fulfilment and tolerance of the suffering of life.

“Voluntary confrontation with a feared, hated, or despised obstacle is curative.”

In order to see, you must look. How can you overcome if you do not see? Overcoming challenges provides meaning as after each victory, and defeat, we grow, we learn, we adapt, we evolve. Maybe a tiny bit, but even that counts. How we go about it determines our character.

Overcoming challenges allows us to take on greater ones and achieve things we did not knew we could or thought impossible. At the same time, we cannot take on challenges that are too great for we may falter. It’s an incremental process, one step after the other. The great adventure with realms unknown and unfound treasure. “Not all treasure is silver and gold” - Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean

Dealing with future you. There’s no escaping our past for what we have now is the legacy of our former self. And what we do now will be the legacy, on top of everything else, that is passed on to our future self’s. We dread this because we know this, we know how our actions today affect us in the future, we are able to perceive the future. We can ignore that side of us that tells us not do what we are about to do (usually something expedient, pleasureful, it does not last) for it will haunt our future self. When the expedient thing is set and done, we are left to realize that we spent more time away from what we know we should be doing.

#5: “Do not do what you hate”

Doing what you hate can be a source of resentment and a motivator to turn a blind eye to ever growing evil. It’s a betrayal of self, and to some degree we are aware of that, this makes us bitter. We have accepted our own betrayal instead of fighting it, instead of saying no to behaviour we do not morally or ethically accept. It’s a daunting splinter in our mind that keeps reminding us of that betrayal. Ignoring it will only allow it to suck the life out of what we believe and enjoy doing. It makes us turn a blind eye when other things that should not be allowed happen around us, and in turn the place around us becomes more susceptible of corruption. Because there is one less person that will voice against it. Little by little this accrues until small evil becomes big evil.

#6: “Abandon ideology”

Ideology tends to simplify complex problems, assume a correct moral position (without justification) and eventually promote a single-cause kind of approach to aforementioned complex problems. “Everything bad that happens is because of X”. It’s extremely simplistic, and therefore very attractive. “To get the house of your dreams all you have to do is give me 50 bucks!”.

#7: “Work as hard as you possibly can on at least one thing and see what happens”

Indecision, or rather the choice to make no decision, to keep one’s options open. In order to truly have something, the pursuit of something else must be given up, even its potential pursuits in the future. Completely renounce something to actually have something.

In order to change, to grow, a part of you, or what you believe in, must die.

#8: “Try to make one room in your home as beautiful as possible”

To make a room beautiful is no easy task, it requires taste and imagination. It is a difficult task, but ever rewarding.

The importance of art cannot be understated. Works of art are windows into the unknown, into what we do not yet know or understand. It speaks to our Being. It rejuvenates our senses and gives us thirst for life. This is why it is important to have art in our life, at least in one room.

#9: “If old memories still upset you, write them down carefully and completely”

Haunting memories can be an indicator of what has happened but was not understood. Horrible things either done to us or done by us.

#10: “Plan and work diligently to maintain the romance in your relationship”

Remaining faithful is a lot easier if one remains true to themselves and is not required to lie in the future. If you are doing something that, if asked about, you would require to cover up with a lie, or multiple lies, then you should not be doing what you are doing in the first place. It would trap your future self.

The “if you loved me, you would have known” reply is a poor excuse for shifting blame, and responsibility, of finding one’s true desires unto the partner. “If you would have articulated what you want, I would not be required to blindly guess” is a proper response.

There are only three fundamental states of social being:

Tyranny (You do what I want)
Slavery (I do what you want)
Negotiation (we do what we agreed upon, with the possibility of revising past agreements)

Just because you and your partner agree on something does not mean that none of you are a tyrant. Entrapment through agreement is quite common and is more psychological than physical. “You agreed to do this, although upon further thought it is not fair, nor just, you still have to do it because you agreed to it.” To make things worse, one could follow up with “you are a bad person if you do not do it” or “you never do what we agree upon” even when most, if not all, agreements are made to benefit just one side.

If you cannot revise an argument you made with someone because upon further thought, it is not fair then you are likely dealing with someone who does not have your (best) interest in mind.

Rule: all agreements can be revised.

#11: “Do not allow yourself to become resentful, deceitful, or arrogant”

We perceive and express our perception of the world through stories.

Dreams speak to us. They are thoughts that are not yet formed. While they may not be completely clear, they are relating a message or a need. They may relay what you seek, although in a cryptic manner.

Deceitful people see themselves as victims of tragedies that had happened to them even though they may not have been personally targeted. They deceive to answer that injustice, to make it right. This is coupled with arrogance as they believe they have indeed been wronged (life events are sometimes random) and that they alone can quell this injustice. Only they known how to fix it. Only they have the power to alter reality through lies and deceit, because they believe that their version is the best version. Not the truth, no. The truth will bring more harm, it may very well do or at least feel that way. But the question is, who will be truly hurt and have their world shattered by truth. The one doing the deception, or the one receiving it?

On top of that, in order to lie you must believe you can get away with it. In other words, to consider yourself so smart that you can fool everyone else (arrogance).

#12: “Be grateful in spite of your suffering”

In order to be grateful, you must experience the depth of darkness. Until you do, you do not really know why you are grateful, or why you should be. How can you be without knowing pain?

To face evil, it takes courage. Courage to face what is ahead of you and in spite of all the bad and all the motivation to go down on dark paths to say “Whatever price I may pay, I will not go down that road, whatever prizes I must renounce I will, for I will do my best to be the best person I can be, and that accomplishment will be the reward itself. I will not be tormented by my conscience for the questionable things that I wilfully did or blinded myself to. The best does not mean being an angel. It means facing my evil self and integrating it with my entire self. To be able to do horrific things, but always chose not to. Because I chose not to be that kind of person.”

The choices one makes from what is available exposes their character. Especially when no one is watching.

These are my book notes for Beyond Order: 12 More Rules for Life by Jordan B. Peterson.